Continuing with our recipe for cooking up a wonderful marriage, today we’ll add another essential ingredient: service. And let’s be clear about this – we’re talking about mutual service. Each partner diligently and joyfully finding opportunities to serve the other. Or as my wife has taught me (I think she might have picked this one up from Kelly & Mark), “Happy Spouse, Happy House!” This certainly does not mean we are responsible for our spouse’s happiness – that isn’t the stuff of real life. But if you really REALLY want to build your best possible marriage, set a tone where rolling up your sleeves to bless one another is the norm.

Serving your spouse well requires paying attention. Knowing their limitations, needs, and peculiarities so that you can do things that make a real difference in their day, making life better and bringing joy to the one you love most in this world. It means giving your best effort as you do the things you may not really enjoy, because you know it matters to her/him. It doesn’t mean you must think less of your self, but rather, you must think of your self less. Mutual service in a delightful marriage means each spouse contributes whatever strengths, resources, and opportunities they have, without getting caught up in comparing who seems to be doing more. It is teamwork at its best.

It is my wife lovingly cooking meals for me, because her disability no longer allows her to work as she did for years. It is me putting away all the dishes, pots, and pans that go in places too high and too low for her to reach anymore. Mutual service is me carefully organizing my wife’s medicines and supplements for the week. And it’s my wife diligently keeping our bank account in order, knowing her husband’s ADHD would make a mess of things in a hurry, if I were expected to keep up with all those details. Of course, that’s just a little glimpse into how we serve each other in our home. Your particulars will look different, based on who you are and where you and your partner are in life. Whatever the details look like, if you’ll spend a lifetime of serving one another (I love the example from the classic short story, “The Gift of the Magi”), your marriage will be filled with delight. And if you’re as lucky as I am, that will include homemade cajun rice dressing at the holidays!