“When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment…Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”

– Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, page 417

Embracing acceptance in relation to the people and experiences in our lives is one of the most challenging and rewarding practices we can ever undertake. It is in our nature as human beings to expect people and circumstances to be the way we want them to be. We are selfish by nature. We don’t like admitting it, but it’s true. Put simply, we want things to go our way. And the frustration, aggravation, resentment, bitterness, and hostility that can emerge from this unchecked approach to life are ingredients that will ultimately ruin a marriage, one way or another. But we can do better.

SO MUCH BETTER! Practice the powerful words of these two giants of human inspiration in your marriage, and see if your relationship with your spouse doesn’t become better than you ever dreamed it could. Change your attitude of expectation to acceptance and your words of criticism to kindness. Does your spouse have flaws? Of course! I mean, you are married to a human – right? Does your partner let you down sometimes, and even really hurt you along the way? Guess what – they can say the same about you. But try this on for size: make a list of all the things about your wife or husband that are really delightful. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Pretty wonderful person you’ve got there, huh?!? If you can’t see it, and you can’t enjoy the beautiful reality of your partner, it is probably because you are hung up on what you would change about them if you could. I’ve been there. Years ago (thankfully!), my wife and I went through a dark, distant, and difficult stretch of marriage. At the heart of our marital wreckage was my attitude of criticism and demanding expectation. Thank God (and some helpful people along the way) our marriage has not only survived that dismal time, but has become a place of peace and joy and energizing encouragement for both of us! And guess what? My wife still ain’t perfect. And Lord knows I’m not! We don’t expect perfection from each other. And we no longer expect the other to become someone we think we would find more enjoyable. We enjoy the heck out of each other – just as we are now – goofiness and all!!! Oh, sure there are still moments of annoyance or disappointment. But we live daily in the deep security that we are not only loved, but liked. And I must say, I sure am enjoying the recipe we’re cooking up together these days!