HopeForYourFamily

Just a quick note to let everyone (who isn’t a Facebook friend) know we are staying in Baton Rouge and bracing for Gustav, as of 9:30 Sunday night.  My family, along with my fellow South Louisianians are grateful for your prayers.  I’ll be posting again as soon as I can after the storm passes.

With Hope, Roger

UPDATE 6:35am, Labor Day - Getting windy around here, but so far no big deal.  From watching the excellent news coverage on WAFB, I am extremely impressed with how well our state has learned its lessons from Katrina and Rita - from state officials to local officials to the terrific citizens of South Louisiana.  From what I can tell, Cajun Country is as ready as possible for whatever Gustav brings our way.

UPDATE Deux 9:40am, Labor Day - Pretty major wind gusts around here, but Gustav looks to be taming to a level Baton Rouge will easily weather.  A big limb did come cracking down from the neighbor’s tree right across the street - thankfully bringing no property damage.  That tree looks like it may fare worse before this is over, but it looks to be the only one in jeopardy that I can see.  We’ve decided watching “The Challenge of the Superfriends” is a higher priority than watching the news at this point, if that tells you anything.  The worst has yet to hit, but we’re thankful to be expecting a much more reasonable worst than what folks thought a couple days ago.  Keep the prayers going!

  Late morning.

  Late afternoon - same tree.
UPDATE Three - 4:15pm Labor Day - Okay, I’ve got a whole new respect for hurricanes now, and we just saw “cat 1″ gusts in Baton Rouge.  This has been a wild day.  I’ll post more pictures when I can, but let’s just say the previous two were just a foreshadowing of what our neighborhood now looks like.  Thankfully, no damage to our home, vehicles, or selves, or to any of our neighbors that I can tell.  Next door neighboor will definitely need a re-roof job after the storm, but looks like he only lost shingles.  Thanks for your prayers.  We’re hoping for restored power ASAP. 

UPDATE Four - Friday, September 5 - I was finally able to upload a few pictures from after the storm.  I wish I’d made the effort to get more, better shots of everything.  But I guess I had a few things on my mind.

Our live oak survived, but not without injury.

In the background is the “honey tree” I mentioned on the air which had a beehive and seven or eight full sheets of honeycomb inside.  It was a very large water oak which we have been nervously watching for years during heavy storms and mercifully fell into the yard and street without damaging any homes but the one within its cavernous hollow trunk.  It supplied a tasty afternoon snack and breakfast for the morning after the storm, but not without some stings.

   There is something to be said for the four year old response to a hurricane: 1. Help clean up for a little while.  2. Celebrate what remains by climbing the nearest intact tree.  3. Run and splash barefooted in the puddles with all your might.

Ever have one of those times where you saw a problem, knew you needed to do something about it, and really searched all around for the source of the problem so you could make the right adjustment or find the right solution? And you really felt the pressure to figure this out, because you knew it was a serious matter? And you looked here, and you looked there, and you tried this, and you tried that, but you just couldn’t seem to get to the root and straighten things out?

And then you finally came to the painful, sobering, yet freeing realization that YOU were the source of the problem, or at least the biggest contributor by your attitudes and actions?

Me neither. I was just curious. (more…)

My wife and I recently went for a marriage retreat at the Parish Hermitage. We really needed it. I really needed it. I was not in a good place regarding my marriage, and my wife and my marriage were suffering for it. And the two things that really blow me away about this are 1. that I felt genuinely justified in my position and 2. I regularly emphasize to my clients that marriage is at its best when you focus and work on yourself, rather than focusing and attempting to work on your spouse. And even though I knew this stuff in my mind, my heart and spirit had gotten twisted around backward and I felt truly stuck - not yet hopeless, but really and truly stuck. Yuck!!!

I am so grateful and humbled to share with you that the Spirit of God worked in a powerful way over the last week, and especially through this weekend, to open the eyes of my heart and bring me to a renewed place as a husband, through repentence and healing. I am grateful to Eddie and Judy Parish for their continuing joyful willingness to share their rich gifts of hospitality, spiritual discernment, and loving grace. And I am grateful to my wife for going to the hard places with me by being open, vulnerable, and real.

And my soul and my marriage are renewed. My hope has once again taken flight and my spirit feels free to flap its wings in freedom and joy. Thank you, LORD!!!

I share this glimpse of my personal journey with you for a couple of reasons. First, I want you to know that we all struggle in life and relationships - even us professional experts. Struggling is okay. It is universal. At least when we are struggling, we show evidence that we are hoping for something better. Second, I want to encourage you that you really do not have to wait on your spouse to make some kind of changes so you can have a better marriage experience. You can improve your marriage experience right now, starting today! You can choose to stop dwelling on what you see as the shortcomings in your spouse or the injustices in your marriage, and you can choose to place your focus on improving yourself as a spouse and finding joy in blessing your mate, whether or not he/she seems to “deserve” it right now.

I must say, I am amazed at the difference I experience in my peace, joy, and marital satisfaction, when I “practice what I preach” to my clients on a regular basis. I shouldn’t be amazed. I share these perspectives with them, because I know it is the best way to live - in marriage and all other relationships. But knowing the Truth and living the Truth take vastly different amounts of willingness and self-discipline. And by the way, our time at the retreat made it clear to my that I was the one who had the most changing to do. The minor “flaws” I had pegged in my wife were far eclipsed by the disgruntled attitude I was blindly wielding to the harm of each of us and our marriage. Repentance, joy, and grace are not just nice terms from the language of Christianity. They are POWERFUL forces for life transformation, my friends!

For more guidance along these lines, I highly recommend “Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More than to Make Us Happy” by Gary Thomas and “ScreamFree Marriage” (audio) by Hal Runkel. And while you’re at it, you might want to round out the resource package with “Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Committed Relationships” by David Schnarch.

Independence Day is just days away for the people of our country. We celebrate the 4th of July as the day our nation officially became a free land, governing ourselves with independent sovereignty. The Boston Tea Party, The Declaration of Independence, “the shot heard round the world” at Concord, and the whole Revolutionary War were all outward expressions of a shared determination to make our own choices for ourselves and no longer be ruled by a tyrant king. “Give me liberty, or give me death!,” as Patrick Henry so powerfully stated the sentiment.

We started out so strong and proud and noble. Look at us now - still strong and great in some very significant ways, but in many ways not living out the American Dream as envisioned by our forefathers (or so I would strongly suspect). I’m not writing this post to be anti-patriotic, or to jump on our nation. I’m writing about human nature. Isn’t it such an ingrained part of our nature to take our freedom, put it in the hands of our sinful (”selfish) nature, and begin to destroy ourselves in the pursuit of happiness? Maybe it’s just me, as I know this is a continual struggle for me, but this seems to be a fairly universal dynamic.

So this year for Independence Day, I am inviting you to join me in an important declaration of independence. Let’s take a long, honest look at ourselves and determine to set ourselves free from the self-destructive, relationship-destructive attitudes and actions that may seem so right or justified when we are only focused on immediate gratification and not on the bigger picture. I don’t know what your internal laundry list looks like, but I am learning to see my own more clearly. Maybe it’s your role in your marriage, that nasty habit, some parenting practices, your spirit while driving, how you spend your money, how you spend your time, or any of a zillion other things. Whatever it is, you cling to it, knowing it is only making your life worse, because somewhere down deep you just believe you deserve it. And it really has you enslaved by your own embracing of it. Name it clearly for what it is, maybe even write it down and/or share it with a trusted someone, and then…

Surrender it to God. Turn it over to your Father who really does want the very best for you. Cultivate a willingness and desire to live as Christ in this area of your life. Daily invite His Holy Spirit to guide you and empower you to be released from this voluntary prison and live in the true freedom that only comes through surrender.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery…You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love.” - Galatians 5:1, 13

With Hope of Freedom through Him,

Roger

Last year’s Independence Day post

If you know me, or read my blog with any regularity, you know I have a passion for helping families navigate the evolving sea of entertainment/media/technology in as healthy a manner as possible. One huge portion of this evolving world is the vast expanse of online “social networking” sites, with MySpace and Facebook still leading the field. I have shared previously my perspectives on these sites, with recommendations for parents. Today I write, not just as a media/family expert and critic, but as a social networking participant - a Facebooker.

One of the differences (among many) between Facebook and MySpace is that Facebook really presents itself as essentially tamer and not quite as edgy as MySpace. Sure, people post their party pics, share wisecracking “bumper stickers,” and post links to favorite videos and such. But the Facebook experience somehow seems less given to some of the worst of the MySpace experience. (MySpace is certainly not all bad, by the way.) Well, I am pleased to share with you a recent experience that really encouraged me regarding Facebook’s desire and efforts to remain a positive social networking experience. I was looking for the profile of someone who was not on my official “friends” list. When I entered her name, I saw a profile list of a dozen or so people with the same name. One of these individuals had a very sexually revealing and provocative picture on their profile image, and I immediately reported it to Facebook, which they readily encourage in such situations. Facebook’s stock just went up in my view, when they responded within a couple days and pulled the offensive image.

Way to go, Facebook! No, they can’t police everything everyone does on such a vast social network, nor should they. But they can maintain certain limits on what can be shared for all to see, and I am impressed to see how willing they are to do so. Happy Facebooking!

My four year old son is really growing up so much, and I am so proud of him. We have a lot of fun together, and enjoy learning about life together. It is always so interesting to hear what will come out of his mouth. “I love you, Dad,” “I’m singing for Jesus,” “Do you know about Paul and Silas?,” “Big Hug, Big Kiss!,” (meaning one that includes him, my wife, and me) and “Dad, let’s play rough,” are some of my favorite quotes so far. He’s really a great kid!

But however terrific he may be, he’s still human, and he’s still only four, and he’s still my son. This means he still has a lot of growing up to do. One of his current favorite phrases is, “But…I NEED it!” This is almost always preceded by his mother or me telling him “no” to a particular request. To my best recollection, neither of us have actually ever deprived him of something he NEEDED when he asked for it. In fact, at his age, the vast majority of his NEEDS are supplied without his asking - we know what he needs.

The truth is, hearing him say how much he NEEDS something is currently one of the clearest indicators that he does not NEED it, and in fact, would probably benefit directly from doing without it. Don’t get me wrong - our son is far from deprived. One look in our backyard, his bedroom, or our living room quickly confirms the reality of that issue. And maybe that is a big contributor to his probably of mistaking want for NEED. He gets most of what he wants. Oh, we don’t spend elaborate amounts of money on toys, and he hears “no” plenty from us, but he really does get a great deal of what he wants.

And isn’t that the American way? But…I want NEED it! Well, if you want it that much, there’s no reason you shouldn’t have it right away. I won’t attempt to go into an exhaustive list of all the areas of typical American life where we expect to get what we want, when we want it, with little or no hassle or sacrifice on our parts. I’ll just pick one that clearly illustrates this warped perspective that can so easily grab hold of our attitudes and our lives. Credit cards. I read last night that Americans currently owe over $995,000,000 in credit card debts. That’s over 995 million, folks! We’re baring down fast on owing ONE BILLION DOLLARS IN CREDIT CARD DEBT!!! Holy short-sighted, self-indulgent, I-don’t-just-want-it-I-NEED-it!, Batman! We’ve got a huge problem here. We aren’t worried about how much we really NEED stuff, or whether we have actually earned enough to pay for it. We want it, and we’ve got the plastic to get it for us right now. Cha-ching!!!

So, my challenge to you today is this: Take a couple of weeks for some focused self-analysis. Notice how many things you approach on a regular basis as though you NEED them. Then ask yourself, “Do I really NEED this, or is it a want or convenience?” Notice how often you expect to get whatever you want, whenever you want it, and get bent out of shape when your expectation isn’t met to your satisfaction. Notice your reaction in such situations. How did you do? Anything need to change? Maybe a steady, big dose of gratitude and contentment would help. I know it helps me tremendously, when I’m willing to take my medicine. And I know my son will struggle to learn gratitude and contentment if he does not see it in his Dad. Well, I’m off to go pick up my son from school. I just hope there aren’t any idiots out there holding up traffic, because I really NEED to get there when I want to get there, regardless of how much time I left myself to make the trip! Yeah, I know - I’ll keep taking my medicine. I’m obviously not cured yet.

My lovely wife surprised me at Christmas with a guitar. My first guitar. A very nice Martin acoustic guitar - at that! She has heard me say over the years that “one of these days I’d love to learn to play the guitar,” so she decided there was no time like the present. My Dad played an acoustic guitar when I was growing up (and Mom played piano), and I’ve always been a singer, but I just never took the time to learn to play. And now I realize why.

It takes time, focus, patience, diligence - basically a lot of self-discipline. Hmmmm, where has the issue of self-discipline come up lately? But I really, really want to play guitar. No, that’s not quite the truth. The truth is, I want to be great with the guitar. It’s not that I have visions of being a famous performer with a huge following. (OK, maybe just a little - but it’s about as serious a dream as Fletch playing power forward for the Lakers!) I want to be great at the guitar, because music means so much to me, and I believe this will open up a whole avenue of experiencing and expressing my self. But what I really want to share with you are some of the life lessons I am learning from guitar lessons:

1. You don’t master anything overnight, no matter how much it matters to you. (I would argue that anything you actually can master overnight is not likely to make much of a meaningful impact on your life.) It takes time, focus, and determination to master anything worthwhile in life. Shortcuts and quick fixes do not lead to mastery. Only persistent, diligent, self-discipline leads to mastery.

2. If you really want to be good at something, you have to be willing to work on the stuff that isn’t fun and doesn’t come easy. If you are willing to toil your way through the parts that just aren’t fun and don’t come naturally, eventually you may just find yourself in the promised land where those things have become second-nature and allow you to enjoy life in ways you never could have imagined before doing all that hard work.

3. If you want to make big forward progress, you have to move at a pace you can actually sustain. Sometimes in our zeal to get where we want to be with a new life endeavor, (more…)