HopeForYourFamily

God continues to transform my life on a daily basis, as I remain open to learning and leading. One of the most significant areas of my recent ongoing growth has been my increasing ability to remain calm in the face of situations that once would have been very troubling. This is not to say I have achieved perfection in this arena. Far from it. But I am growing. And growing significantly.

This growing power of serenity is such a wonderful blessing! Don’t get me wrong. My life is not suddenly trouble free. I still face many of the same challenges I have faced for years, the same kind of challenges you probably face in your own life in one way or another. But I am not nearly as anxious as I once was. Dealing with family during the holidays has not been stress free this year, but I have not been stressed out. My wife and I have recently shared various moments of disappointment, frustration, and loss. And I remained calm. I have both received and offered fair criticism, and got through the struggle of those moments without getting tied up in knots. I was even able to stand before my church family and offer a testimony of the amazing gift of Jesus, based on my own perspective as a struggling sinner, giving some very vulnerable personal details. Difficult, but I did it without losing it.

At the heart of this movement of calm transformation in my life are two key elements. First is an unfolding of the concept of “differentiation” within my mind, heart, and experience. This concept was at the heart of the theories of one of the grandfathers of family therapy, Murray Bowen. My thanks to Eddie Parish, Hal Runkel, and others for helping me in the process of unpacking this treasure chest of relationship growth. Second, my life is being shaped daily through the simple, yet profound words of a prayer that offers guidance to millions:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

As I continuing growing in these powerful ways of faith, calm, and serenity, I thank God for the increasing opportunities He is giving me to reach more lives with this message. Be on the lookout for much more from me regarding these foundational elements of healthy, mature relationships in the coming months. I’ll let you know when the book is available!

Check out my latest addition to the Parenting 101 page, “Want to be a Better Parent? Work on Your Marriage.” And remember to check out the new Parenting 101 page on WAFB.com, (accessible through the “9News This Morning” tab on the left column), and pass it on to others who might have an interest.

Merry Christmas!

Roger

As you might imagine, in my counseling practice I see a lot of power struggles, conflicts, and misbehavior. Things are not going well, so people seek professional guidance to improve their marriage or family relationships. (I also work with people on “individual” issues, but this post will focus on relationships.) As I ask questions and hear descriptions of relationship and behavior patterns, I inevitably hear a number of ways each individual has contributed to the problem. It is also quite common to hear a lot of excuses and blaming to explain away the misbehavior (and misbehavior can certainly take on many, many forms). Let me get real, here. I’ve done the same thing myself, plenty of times. But explaining away poor choices by way of making excuses and blaming others is never helpful to the relationship or to either individual. Let me say that again…

Explaining away poor choices by way of making excuses and blaming others is never helpful to the relationship or to either individual.

Oh, it might make you feel better for a while by bringing some temporary relief. It might get you out of a tight spot, and feeling like you got away with it this time. But it isn’t helpful. It isn’t healthy. It does not help you or your relationship to grow. Enough with the negative language. If you really want to improve your relationships - with your spouse, your child, your parents, your co-workers, or whoever - (more…)

What a week!

Among many other ups and downs that have been keeping my life rather full of late, this week has provided me with two very powerful reminders to keep life in perspective.  And, I must say, keeping life in perspective is a very good thing.  It tends to keep one calmer, more appreciative, more patient, and more purposeful.  More on that in a moment.  First, the perspective-checks from this week: (more…)

Forgiveness is an issue I must deal with on a frequent basis, because of my work as a marriage and family therapist. However, let’s face it - it is something we all must address at some point in our lives, probably many times throughout our lives. We live in a fallen world. We disappoint, hurt, and betray one another - spouses, family, friends, neighbors, enemies, co-workers, teammates, and any other relational context in which we find ourselves. And if we are to survive the human experience in any kind of healthy way, we must learn to forgive. Following are some of the things I have learned about the difficult and powerful process of forgiveness: (more…)

Normally when I make movie recommendations, it is to rent a video and watch it at home, typically for some “therapeutic” value. Let’s face it - watching movies on the big screen costs a fortune these days, and a lot of it is junk. Having said that…

You need to see Spiderman 3!!! This is not about being amazed by the special effects or the thrill of seeing comic book heroes and villains come to life at the theater. It’s about watching a Hollywood film with great moral messages. The themes in this summer blockbuster are obvious and in your face - and really fantastic. I salute the makers and producers of this great movie for challenging us to live lives of self-sacrifice, righteousness, and forgiveness, rather than the selfishness, wickedness, and bitterness that seem to be consuming our culture much like a sticky blob of black tar that crawls around looking for someone already headed down the wrong path…OK, I’ll let you go watch it for yourself.

Check out my “Therapeutic Movie Recommendations” page for more recommendations and helpful resources and links regarding using movies for insight and inspiration.

My post on this Friday is a short one.  I am preparing to take what has become a semi-annual trip with my wife to the Parish Hermitage in St. Amant, LA.  Sometimes we have “issues” to work on.  This one was planned around our 11 year wedding anniversary - no issues!  However, we now find ourselves carrying a painful burden for a loved one.  I am in need of some recharging, encouragement, and quiet space - I need some restoration.  I know God can provide this to anyone, anywhere, anytime.  But He sure seems to do a lot of restoring out at the Hermitage!  I am deeply grateful to God for the Parish family and the way they continue to use their wonderful gifts in such loving obedience to God and service to fellow strugglers on the journey.  If you are longing for restoration in your life - in your heart, your mind, your emotions, your career, your marriage, your church, I recommend you give serious consideration to a visit to the Parish Hermitage.

With Hope,

Roger