HopeForYourFamily

I am grateful to God for equipping and calling me to a life of serving the broken, beaten, and discouraged.  God has provided me with the particular gifts, experiences, and training that allow me to offer hope, guidance, and healing to my clients through my practice of Christian counseling / marriage and family therapy.  But there are far more hurting souls in my community than I could possibly begin to help in any personal way.  Nor could the combined forces of all my colleagues in the helping professions ever manage to provide services to all those in need.  And this situation doesn’t discourage me today - in fact, I have great hope for the masses who are struggling in pain.  And I hold a genuine hope for them for two key reasons:

My God is far bigger and greater than I am!

You don’t have to be a professional to be a friend who offers comfort, hope, and healing.  This means every one of you can be a helping advocate to the downtrodden!

Thanks to my good friend, Blaine, for inviting me to share this message on Saturday with a group of teenagers who will be gathered together at our church’s annual youth rally, Renewal.  (For my printable, one-page simple outline, click here: “When Your Friend is Hurting.”  This may be a helpful resource to keep on hand, or even to pass along via email to someone you know who has a heart of compassion for the hurting.)  As a passionate youth minister, Blaine understands how widespread is the damage and discouragement among our teens today, and I am grateful for his vision to equip our teens with the tools to come along side their hurting friends to lift up their heads and do what they can to help them overcome their pain and struggles.  I would like to refer you to three different passages of Scripture, which I encourage you to read in their entirety.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7  “…so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God…”

Job 2:11-13  “…Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights.  No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”

Luke 10:25-37  “…He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine.  Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him…”

If you take the time to read through these Biblical words of guidance, you will find God inviting us to join him in the process of healing the hearts and lives of our neighbors.  And while there are those life issues that call for the help of various professionals, you can offer so much through the following three simple steps.  Please take note of the order of these steps, as I believe they flow in a developmental sequence: (more…)

The concept of “differentiation of self” was formally defined, explored, and explained by the late Murray Bowen, one of the great minds and founding grandfathers of the field of marriage and family therapy. While his mind and insights were incredibly keen, he wrote on a level that has been very difficult for most folks to easily understand and apply in a practical, meaningful way. Thankfully, others have picked up his torch and found more accessible ways to share his light with the world. I am grateful to find myself in this succession of torch-bearers, and I would like to share a bit with you today about what I have learned regarding the process and power of differentiation.

Here is my best definition of Differentiation: Standing on one’s own two feet. Speaking and acting with calm, courageous, honest integrity, despite any pressures being applied by people or circumstances outside oneself. Being who you know you should be in all circumstances, regardless of whether others praise, criticize, or ignore.

OK, so if you’re like me, you conquered this differentiation thing a long time ago, and always live according to this standard. Yeah, right!!! With the best of intentions, I continue to fall so short of this way of living in so many different circumstances. At the same time, I am grateful to say I am growing, and I come closer to this ideal more often today than in years past. Part of my growth has come through reading and studying about differentiation and related principles, through my academic and ongoing professional training and practice. Most of my growth has come through two far more powerful teachers - life experience and real life mentors.

Through every challenge, failure, and victory I have experienced in my life, I have had one great mentor there for me. He has shown me the best example I could possibly find. He has believed in me, and offered me a steady presence of loving, devoted encouragement. He has even forgiven me of every one of my mistakes and failures, including the ones so heinous I have almost been crushed under the weight of their shame. This mentor is Jesus, the only perfect example of human life and differentiation who has ever walked the planet. I will be sharing more later, but consider today the following glimpses into the life of my ultimate example. (more…)

Click here to read my latest “Parenting 101″ segment: “Encouraging Healthy Friendships In Your Children’s Lives.” Here is my summary statement:

“Whatever the age or stage of your children, be willing to experience your children’s activities, interests, and friendships without either defensive, judgmental rejection or taking over through over-involvement. Be the kind of parent your children and their friends can both respect and feel comfortable opening up to.”

(Friday morning) Just a little preview for this week’s post.

Tomorrow I am going out with my best buddy to a big stretch of woods, and we are going to shoot our shotguns. It isn’t any particular hunting season right now, so we’ll just shoot pine cones and dead limbs and such. I got my Remington 870 12-gauge for my 33rd birthday in February, my first ever real gun (the Daisy BB gun of my boyhood wasn’t too dangerous, except to the occasional backyard security light). I was inspired to get a firearm after reading through “The Way of the Wild Heart” by John Eldredge. I still haven’t even fired it once! My friend, on the other hand, grew up hunting in the woods of North Louisiana. So, we’re going out together for a manly experience of shooting harmless forest debris to enjoy our friendship and to give me the feel for firing my gun…

(Sunday evening) Well, my friend and I both survived our testosterone adventure firing lead shot at inanimate objects in the woods on Friday afternoon.  I’ve had a busy weekend, and not much time to offer deep reflection on our experience, and so offer any particularly rich life lessons to my website readership.  Sorry, that’s life sometimes.  For now, I will simply note three important rewards of the little gunpowder excursion:

1. We had a blast!  (actually 50 of them)  The whole gun experience and the conversations we shared driving out, in the woods, and driving back - all very enjoyable.

2. I found out I am a pretty darn good shot.  That was very meaningful to me, as my father was an excellent shot in the years of his early manhood as a soldier and officer in the United States Army.  I never really seemed to inherit any of his skills or know-how with tools and such.  This turned out to be a very important connection for me to my Dad.  I wish he could have seen me.  I can’t wait to tell him about it and show him a couple of my “trophies.”  (No, we didn’t shoot any animals.  I don’t think the piece of paper or empty shotgun shell felt a thing when I obliterated them.)

3. Call me a redneck or whatever you will - I feel a bit more manly today, knowing I can handle a shotgun with no problem.  Thanks, John Eldredge.  I needed that.

Forgiveness is an issue I must deal with on a frequent basis, because of my work as a marriage and family therapist. However, let’s face it - it is something we all must address at some point in our lives, probably many times throughout our lives. We live in a fallen world. We disappoint, hurt, and betray one another - spouses, family, friends, neighbors, enemies, co-workers, teammates, and any other relational context in which we find ourselves. And if we are to survive the human experience in any kind of healthy way, we must learn to forgive. Following are some of the things I have learned about the difficult and powerful process of forgiveness: (more…)

It has been almost a full three weeks since my last post. As I was reflecting on why this is, it occurred to me. My life has been really full. Not in a frantic, can’t slow down, can’t catch up, I’m running ragged and feeling frazzled kind of way.

Full, as in: I just finished a great meal at Lambert’s Cafe and enjoyed every bite. I spent several hours on the beach and at the pool today with my family and friends and we had a great time. (Our vacation last week was tremendously refreshing!) Went to the movies last night with a good friend and enjoyed another good rendering of comic books to big screen. Working hard with my wife to help our son master potty training. My wife and I drawing closer together as we share our lives with a friend. Managing a full case load at my counseling office, but still enjoying a 45 hour work week. Getting more involved with my neighborhood as we try to re-establish good leadership in our neighborhood association. Stepping back up to lead worship on a regular basis at our church. Generally enjoying summertime with my family. And the list could surely go on.

So, for now - I am full and content. And posting on my website has somehow taken a back seat. But I’m back at it now, so look for me to get back into a rhythm of offering weekly insights into better relationships and general living. Tune in tomorrow (Tuesday, June 26) to WAFB at 7:15 for my Parenting 101 segment on the MySpace/Facebook generation.

ps - OOOPS!!! The Parenting 101 segment is always at 6:15 am, not 7:15 am. Hope I didn’t throw anyone a curveball with my typo. As soon as WAFB.com uploads the interview video from today, I will post it on my Parenting 101 page.