HopeForYourFamily

Are you facing challenges in your family this summer that could use some expert guidance?

Have you discovered a wonderful experience, activity, place to go, or routine that works great for your family, and is worth sharing with others?

Would it just be really cool to have YOUR topic shared on TV?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, I would love to hear from you. Please share your thoughts, questions, experiences, or suggestions with me at Roger@hopeforyourfamily.com, or feel free to add your comments to this post (after you have registered as a user on my site). I will email you back personally with my perspectives, and consider using your topic on my next WAFB Parenting 101 interview coming up on the last Tuesday of June at 6:15 am.

I look forward to hearing from you!

With Hope - Roger

Here’s a link to a terrific resource for setting the right tone for family life this summer.

Make it a MediaWise Summer!

The concept of “differentiation of self” was formally defined, explored, and explained by the late Murray Bowen, one of the great minds and founding grandfathers of the field of marriage and family therapy. While his mind and insights were incredibly keen, he wrote on a level that has been very difficult for most folks to easily understand and apply in a practical, meaningful way. Thankfully, others have picked up his torch and found more accessible ways to share his light with the world. I am grateful to find myself in this succession of torch-bearers, and I would like to share a bit with you today about what I have learned regarding the process and power of differentiation.

Here is my best definition of Differentiation: Standing on one’s own two feet. Speaking and acting with calm, courageous, honest integrity, despite any pressures being applied by people or circumstances outside oneself. Being who you know you should be in all circumstances, regardless of whether others praise, criticize, or ignore.

OK, so if you’re like me, you conquered this differentiation thing a long time ago, and always live according to this standard. Yeah, right!!! With the best of intentions, I continue to fall so short of this way of living in so many different circumstances. At the same time, I am grateful to say I am growing, and I come closer to this ideal more often today than in years past. Part of my growth has come through reading and studying about differentiation and related principles, through my academic and ongoing professional training and practice. Most of my growth has come through two far more powerful teachers - life experience and real life mentors.

Through every challenge, failure, and victory I have experienced in my life, I have had one great mentor there for me. He has shown me the best example I could possibly find. He has believed in me, and offered me a steady presence of loving, devoted encouragement. He has even forgiven me of every one of my mistakes and failures, including the ones so heinous I have almost been crushed under the weight of their shame. This mentor is Jesus, the only perfect example of human life and differentiation who has ever walked the planet. I will be sharing more later, but consider today the following glimpses into the life of my ultimate example. (more…)

I recently found this old post from Mike Cope’s blog, and wanted to share it with you here. It is a well written perspective on the concept of differentiation in the context of families. Differentiation is one of the core concepts I will be explaining and building upon in my upcoming book, which I will begin writing at a retreat this month. The book will be about the important dynamics that drive our relationships - the ones that are largely under the surface and can stay off our radar unless we know how to look for them. I’ll keep you posted on the book’s progress, and let you know when I have a working title.

For now, if you are interested in reading more on the concepts of differentiation and enmeshment, I recommend reading “ScreamFree Parenting” by Hal Edward Runkel and “Passionate Marriage” by David Schnarch.

In the spirit of Mardi Gras, I’m reposting my thoughts from the St. Patrick’s Day parade from last year.  People seemed to enjoy reading this one, and I’ve got quite a few newcomers to the site since then.  To update the following post to Mardi Gras ‘08, simply delete the “Emerald City” comment, change “Cajun/Irish” to “Cajun/French/Catholic,” and picture me and my family skipping the parades altogether to simply stay home and enjoy the good times without the beads, beer, and rowdiness.  OK, there is still plenty of rowdiness at our house, but it isn’t nearly so loud or drunken.  Laissez les bon temp roulet!  (That’s “Let the good times roll” for all you folks outside Cajun Country.)

“Plastic and Beer”

I write this post on St. Patrick’s Day, after having spent the morning with my family at my first ever parade in Baton Rouge.  While I had never really heard much about the St. Patty’s Day parade, I’ve heard about the legendary Mardi Gras parades of South Louisiana for years.  From what I could tell, this was pretty much the same thing - but with cheaper floats and the crowd looking like they just stepped out of the Emerald City.  As I stood there on Perkins Road with my family, taking it all in, I tried to figure out what was really the point of it all.  And I think the main point was this:

Our hearts are so easily captured.  Put a few guys and gals on a trailer with some loud music and cheap plastic beads and other assorted junk, and our hearts suddenly become convinced that catching this stuff is the most important thing in the world.  I wish I could say I did not give in to this bead-snagging impulse.  But the truth is, (more…)

I decided to sit down briefly at my computer this morning before my family and I really begin our Thanksgiving Day celebration of family, food, and fun.  (If you don’t count watching Clifford on PBS with laundry going in the dryer as part of the celebration.)  It occurs to me there are some significant ironies and lessons to be learned from this day we call Thanksgiving.  Ironic that in a land that affords so many of us such religious and social freedom, as well as opportunity and wealth, we have designated only one day to celebrate and say thanks for our many blessings.  Even more ironic that this special day has so evolved that its central feature is no longer expressing thanks to our loving Father in Heaven for giving us so many good gifts.  Now it seems for so many Americans the day is primarily about stuffing ourselves with, well. . .stuffing.  And turkey and ham and beans and potatoes and bread and pecan pie and all our favorite family recipes.  And let’s not forget my personal favorite - the cranberry “sauce” that comes straight out of the can with a slow ssshhhhluck, still in the shape of the can, that you then slice and eat to your heart’s delight.  And all of that is just the first trip through the kitchen buffet line.  Seconds, anyone?!!

So here is my encouragement to you on this Thanksgiving Day:  (more…)