HopeForYourFamily

I decided to sit down briefly at my computer this morning before my family and I really begin our Thanksgiving Day celebration of family, food, and fun.  (If you don’t count watching Clifford on PBS with laundry going in the dryer as part of the celebration.)  It occurs to me there are some significant ironies and lessons to be learned from this day we call Thanksgiving.  Ironic that in a land that affords so many of us such religious and social freedom, as well as opportunity and wealth, we have designated only one day to celebrate and say thanks for our many blessings.  Even more ironic that this special day has so evolved that its central feature is no longer expressing thanks to our loving Father in Heaven for giving us so many good gifts.  Now it seems for so many Americans the day is primarily about stuffing ourselves with, well. . .stuffing.  And turkey and ham and beans and potatoes and bread and pecan pie and all our favorite family recipes.  And let’s not forget my personal favorite - the cranberry “sauce” that comes straight out of the can with a slow ssshhhhluck, still in the shape of the can, that you then slice and eat to your heart’s delight.  And all of that is just the first trip through the kitchen buffet line.  Seconds, anyone?!!

So here is my encouragement to you on this Thanksgiving Day:  (more…)

As you might imagine, in my counseling practice I see a lot of power struggles, conflicts, and misbehavior. Things are not going well, so people seek professional guidance to improve their marriage or family relationships. (I also work with people on “individual” issues, but this post will focus on relationships.) As I ask questions and hear descriptions of relationship and behavior patterns, I inevitably hear a number of ways each individual has contributed to the problem. It is also quite common to hear a lot of excuses and blaming to explain away the misbehavior (and misbehavior can certainly take on many, many forms). Let me get real, here. I’ve done the same thing myself, plenty of times. But explaining away poor choices by way of making excuses and blaming others is never helpful to the relationship or to either individual. Let me say that again…

Explaining away poor choices by way of making excuses and blaming others is never helpful to the relationship or to either individual.

Oh, it might make you feel better for a while by bringing some temporary relief. It might get you out of a tight spot, and feeling like you got away with it this time. But it isn’t helpful. It isn’t healthy. It does not help you or your relationship to grow. Enough with the negative language. If you really want to improve your relationships - with your spouse, your child, your parents, your co-workers, or whoever - (more…)

“The Golden Compass” may look fun, but it has a VERY SINISTER DARK SIDE! No surprise, since it is based on the first book in a bold atheist’s “His Dark Materials” trilogy.

I may very well be writing more about this in the coming weeks, as the release of “The Golden Compass” approaches. Folks, I don’t know what you’ve heard about this film which presents itself as a kid-friendly adventure, not unlike the fantastic world of Narnia. This one is bad news - very bad news! I would urge you not to go, not to let your kids go, persuade your friends and family not to go, and do the same with the books on which the movie is based. I know in the world of internet hoaxes, it is easy to tune out things such as this post, which may ring of conspiracy theory. Do what I do when you hear something along these lines, check it out on www.snopes.com. In fact, here is the specific link regarding this movie: http://snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp   Or check out this Wikipedia article about the “His Dark Materials” trilogy.  Here is the information straight from Snopes.com, which has proven true every time I have checked it:

“The Golden Compass, a fantasy film starring Nicole Kidman that is scheduled to be released into theaters on 7 December 2007, has been drawing fire from concerned Christians. The film is based on Northern Lights (released in the U.S. as The Golden Compass), the first offering in Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy of children’s books, a series that follows the adventures of a streetwise girl who travels through multiple worlds populated by witches, armor-plated bears, and sinister ecclesiastical assassins to defeat the oppressive forces of a senile God.Books of the trilogy have sold more than 15 million copies around the world, with Northern Lights winning the Carnegie Medal for Children’s Literature in 1995 and in 2007 being awarded the ‘Carnegie of Carnegies’ for the best children’s book of the past 70 years. The Amber Spyglass, the final book of the series, won The Whitbread Prize in 2001, making it the first children’s book to do so.

The series’ author, Philip Pullman, is an avowed atheist who has averred that “I don’t profess any religion; I don’t think it’s possible that there is a God; I have the greatest difficulty in understanding what is meant by the words ’spiritual’ or ’spirituality.’” Critics of Pullman’s books point to the strong anti-religion and anti-God themes they incorporate, and although literary works are subject to a variety of interpretations, Pullman left little doubt about his intentions when he said in a 2003 interview that “My books are about killing God.” (Conservative British columnist Peter Hitchens labeled Pullman “The Most Dangerous Author in Britain” and described him as the writer “the atheists would have been praying for, if atheists prayed.”)”

If you haven’t read the story of David and Goliath lately, check it out (for the kids, take a look at Veggie Tales’ engaging animated version). What an incredible story! Let me set the stage:

At this time in Israel’s history, their great enemies were the Philistines, a warring people with whom they frequently fought. On this particular day, the two armies once again find themselves lined up for battle. In fact, they have been standing ready for battle on opposite sides of the Valley of Elah for 40 days. In the days of this type of combat, a common practice was to engage in a battle of champions, with both sides agreeing to award victory and defeat to the entire armies, based on the winner of a fight between the two chosen warriors. If you ever saw the movie “Troy,” you will have some idea of the scene.

On Israel’s side, you have…well no one. There is no champion. Instead, there is an entire army of battle-hardened soldiers, along with their mighty king (who was said to stand head and shoulders above the men of Israel), shaking in their armor, listening day after day to the pagan taunts of the Philistine champion. But before you look down on the men of Israel and scorn them for their cowardice, take a look at the monster standing at the battle line. HE IS OVER NINE FEET TALL!!! I live down in LSU country, alma mater of the great Shaquille O’Neal. Try to imagine yourself standing in front of Shaq, who stands officially at 7′1′’. Look up - that’s big, a full foot taller than me, a man of slightly taller than average height. Now, picture Shaq standing in front of Goliath. Shaq is looking way up - at least two feet! He’s standing up somewhere between the belly and the armpits of this ogre. And talk about “swolt up,” Goliath’s armor weighed 125 pounds, and he wore it with the ease of a linebacker in his football pads. Will no one fight this guy? Of course not!

Enter David, younger brother of three of Saul’s finest. (more…)

Forgiveness is an issue I must deal with on a frequent basis, because of my work as a marriage and family therapist. However, let’s face it - it is something we all must address at some point in our lives, probably many times throughout our lives. We live in a fallen world. We disappoint, hurt, and betray one another - spouses, family, friends, neighbors, enemies, co-workers, teammates, and any other relational context in which we find ourselves. And if we are to survive the human experience in any kind of healthy way, we must learn to forgive. Following are some of the things I have learned about the difficult and powerful process of forgiveness: (more…)

Many things happen in our lives that are beyond our control. I fully recognize this. To believe otherwise is to live in a fantasy world. And yet, so much of our experience of life is within our control and influence. I appreciate the rich wisdom of the “Serenity Prayer,” made very popular through the 12-step addiction recovery programs:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Today I want to focus on how much power we do have over our own lives and experiences. So much of who we are, who we become, and what we experience in life is driven by what we believe about ourselves, one another, and life in general. The best way to find out what someone really believes is not to ask philosophical questions about their worldview. Just look at their life and actions. We act on what we believe, regardless of what we say we believe.

For example… (more…)

Normally when I make movie recommendations, it is to rent a video and watch it at home, typically for some “therapeutic” value. Let’s face it - watching movies on the big screen costs a fortune these days, and a lot of it is junk. Having said that…

You need to see Spiderman 3!!! This is not about being amazed by the special effects or the thrill of seeing comic book heroes and villains come to life at the theater. It’s about watching a Hollywood film with great moral messages. The themes in this summer blockbuster are obvious and in your face - and really fantastic. I salute the makers and producers of this great movie for challenging us to live lives of self-sacrifice, righteousness, and forgiveness, rather than the selfishness, wickedness, and bitterness that seem to be consuming our culture much like a sticky blob of black tar that crawls around looking for someone already headed down the wrong path…OK, I’ll let you go watch it for yourself.

Check out my “Therapeutic Movie Recommendations” page for more recommendations and helpful resources and links regarding using movies for insight and inspiration.