HopeForYourFamily

Independence Day is just days away for the people of our country. We celebrate the 4th of July as the day our nation officially became a free land, governing ourselves with independent sovereignty. The Boston Tea Party, The Declaration of Independence, “the shot heard round the world” at Concord, and the whole Revolutionary War were all outward expressions of a shared determination to make our own choices for ourselves and no longer be ruled by a tyrant king. “Give me liberty, or give me death!,” as Patrick Henry so powerfully stated the sentiment.

We started out so strong and proud and noble. Look at us now - still strong and great in some very significant ways, but in many ways not living out the American Dream as envisioned by our forefathers (or so I would strongly suspect). I’m not writing this post to be anti-patriotic, or to jump on our nation. I’m writing about human nature. Isn’t it such an ingrained part of our nature to take our freedom, put it in the hands of our sinful (”selfish) nature, and begin to destroy ourselves in the pursuit of happiness? Maybe it’s just me, as I know this is a continual struggle for me, but this seems to be a fairly universal dynamic.

So this year for Independence Day, I am inviting you to join me in an important declaration of independence. Let’s take a long, honest look at ourselves and determine to set ourselves free from the self-destructive, relationship-destructive attitudes and actions that may seem so right or justified when we are only focused on immediate gratification and not on the bigger picture. I don’t know what your internal laundry list looks like, but I am learning to see my own more clearly. Maybe it’s your role in your marriage, that nasty habit, some parenting practices, your spirit while driving, how you spend your money, how you spend your time, or any of a zillion other things. Whatever it is, you cling to it, knowing it is only making your life worse, because somewhere down deep you just believe you deserve it. And it really has you enslaved by your own embracing of it. Name it clearly for what it is, maybe even write it down and/or share it with a trusted someone, and then…

Surrender it to God. Turn it over to your Father who really does want the very best for you. Cultivate a willingness and desire to live as Christ in this area of your life. Daily invite His Holy Spirit to guide you and empower you to be released from this voluntary prison and live in the true freedom that only comes through surrender.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery…You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love.” - Galatians 5:1, 13

With Hope of Freedom through Him,

Roger

Last year’s Independence Day post

The last year or so has been a season of growth and transformation in my life. If I had to summarize this time with one word, I guess I would have to go with “FREEDOM.” The great paradox of this experience has been discovering that the pathway to true freedom comes through total surrender. Not that I have achieved a status of total surrender, but I am striving more for it every day. And as I further surrender my will and my life and my relationships to the Lordship of Christ, God grants me greater freedom and His Spirit empowers me to experience greater heights of joy, purpose, and fulfillment. In the spirit of my ongoing quest for freedom in Christ, I want to share a few recent reflections and insights regarding much of my past journey as a Christian.

Much of my life as a Christian and church member has been driven by a desire for safety. With a belief in the Christian teachings regarding the three-in-one God, Satan, heaven, hell, sin, salvation, and such, I think my aim has been to search the Bible for the correct formula to guide my actions (and to a lesser degree my mind and heart) in such a way that will keep me safe from the terrible consequences of sin and the generally dissipated condition of this fallen world. The formula I have followed (or at least attempted to follow) has been very religious and certainly addresses very spiritual issues. And I really believe if I was a better man, a truly righteous man by nature, this formulaic approach to spiritual safety would be quite sufficient for living an exemplary life that would please God greatly and offer a high standard that others should follow.

The problem is - I am not a truly righteous man by nature. I am sinful by nature. I have such twisted places in my heart, mind, and spirit that I am absolutely incapable of following any prescribed plan of living in such a way that I can keep my self safe from the ravages of sin and the sinful world in which I live. I am increasingly realizing that the pursuit of safety, no matter how religious or seemingly spiritual the means, will ultimately fail. (see John 5:16-47, especially verse 39) A sinful man cannot keep himself safe. I’m gonna level with you, here. This has been a highly unnerving eye-opener for me! It would seem my whole framework for living has failed me and left me naked and doomed in a dangerous world made worse by the sinful nature that continues to burst forth from within me.

But I have great hope!

For underneath this religious pursuit of safety I have found the answer. I first had to rethink my question. “What must I do to be safe?” Thirty plus years of pursuing an answer to this question had left me enslaved to both a way of life that appeared righteous and a way of life that was totally limited by MY woefully lacking ability to achieve righteousness for my self. So I now thank God for bringing me to freedom by beginning with a new question, “What must I do to be saved?” And the answer is so simple it is jarring. I must put my faith in Jesus. For by the grace of God, through the power of Christ, the one and only risen from the dead son of God, I am set free from the bondage of sin and the slavery of self-righteousness.

The really amazing thing for me is that now that I am clear on the only source of my salvation, and no longer wasting my focus and energy on the self-righteous pursuit of safety, I am free to pursue a full relationship with Christ and to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness. And I am coming to believe that my salvation in Christ does NOT guarantee my safety, for this is still a dark and dangerous world, and I serve a King who leads his subjects into wild adventures that frequently include sacrifice, suffering, and death. And I am now eager to follow the High King wherever He calls and leads me, for “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

With Hope in Him,

Roger

The last year or so has been a time of tremendous growth in my life. This has been totally a gift of grace from God. I don’t say that as some kind of flippantly religious way of trying to sound humble. I just know I don’t have what it takes to bring about the transforming changes that have been happening in and around me over the past months. But the Spirit of God, sent by Jesus to live in me and convict and guide and comfort me - He has power beyond my wildest conception. And He is eager to transform and lead me. So long as I will seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and surrender to His will.

This process of growth has been largely a time of joy and unfolding freedom. But it has not been without pain. I have had to make difficult choices, some of which have left others near me feeling bewildered, hurt, even angry. Even when I feel a conviction of peace about such choices for myself and my family, it hurts deeply to see loved ones so painfully affected. And then there are those times when I take my eyes off the One who is providing and sustaining my growth. My eyes have a tendency to wander to two particularly seductive focal points - potential sources of danger (fear) and a distorted image of myself (pride or shame). I clearly have a long way to grow, even though I have already grown a great deal by the grace of God.

I am so thankful to my Lord for showing the same loving mercy to me that He showed to Peter, who walked on water when his eyes, heart, and faith were fixed completely on Him, but sank like a rock when his focus shifted to the surrounding danger. Jesus was right there with his strong, loving hands to lift up his friend and restore him to the place where he belonged, so he could continue learning, growing, serving, and leading in the ways God had purposed for his life.

May these inspired words convict and sustain you, as they have me for the last day or so:

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” - Romans 12:1-3

God taught me a simple, profound lesson today.

As I took some time during my lunch break to go for a stroll with God through the beauty of downtown Baton Rouge, I heard God’s whispering voice invite me to slow down. “Shhhhh…Where are you going in such a hurry? Did you come out here to go somewhere, or to be somewhere - with Me?” As I responded in grateful obedience, slowing my steps, my mind, and my heart, I heard Him smile lovingly as He shared the words of the lesson He was glad to give me: “It does not matter where you are going, if you cannot be where you are!” Wow! Say that again, God, I sense this is important, and I do not want to miss it. “Of course, my son. It does not matter where you are going, if you cannot be where you are.”

I slowly walked in awe at the profundity (profound nature) of this simple truth, grateful to my Father for loving me enough to lead me to the stillness where I could receive His loving gift. It truly does not matter where I am going, or why I think it so important I get there, or how quickly I arrive - if I cannot be where I am. Even as I write these words, I feel the pull of our busy, bottom line culture seducing me to say “if I cannot just be where I am” or “if I cannot simply be where I am.” The more we strip away the value of being, the more we strip away the value of life. Lord, may I gratefully and humbly learn to be where I am for every today which you see fit to give me.

I slowly made my way back up North Boulevard toward my office, feeling rich beyond anything I deserve. And God decided I still had room to receive and hold one more lesson. “Roger, wherever you are going matters nothing, if you cannot be where you are. And, unless you keep walking with Me, you will never know where to go, even as you learn to be where you are.” OK, God. So you’re saying it doesn’t matter where I go, if I cannot be where I am, and the only way to know where to go is to walk with I AM where I am.

I guess part of what strikes me most about today’s lessons is how God shared them so clearly with me as I am already beginning to grow and live in these truths in ways of more mature faith and purpose than ever before. And I know it is by God’s rich grace that I continue to grow and learn and live and move and have my being. It also occurs to me that He brought me to these truths of being and walking today, at a time when He is leading me to new places in life. I won’t pretend to know the mind of God. I just know I want to continue being where I am, walking with I AM, following His lead, learning His lessons, and sharing His life.

With Peace and Hope in Him,

Roger

I am grateful to God for equipping and calling me to a life of serving the broken, beaten, and discouraged.  God has provided me with the particular gifts, experiences, and training that allow me to offer hope, guidance, and healing to my clients through my practice of Christian counseling / marriage and family therapy.  But there are far more hurting souls in my community than I could possibly begin to help in any personal way.  Nor could the combined forces of all my colleagues in the helping professions ever manage to provide services to all those in need.  And this situation doesn’t discourage me today - in fact, I have great hope for the masses who are struggling in pain.  And I hold a genuine hope for them for two key reasons:

My God is far bigger and greater than I am!

You don’t have to be a professional to be a friend who offers comfort, hope, and healing.  This means every one of you can be a helping advocate to the downtrodden!

Thanks to my good friend, Blaine, for inviting me to share this message on Saturday with a group of teenagers who will be gathered together at our church’s annual youth rally, Renewal.  (For my printable, one-page simple outline, click here: “When Your Friend is Hurting.”  This may be a helpful resource to keep on hand, or even to pass along via email to someone you know who has a heart of compassion for the hurting.)  As a passionate youth minister, Blaine understands how widespread is the damage and discouragement among our teens today, and I am grateful for his vision to equip our teens with the tools to come along side their hurting friends to lift up their heads and do what they can to help them overcome their pain and struggles.  I would like to refer you to three different passages of Scripture, which I encourage you to read in their entirety.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7  “…so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God…”

Job 2:11-13  “…Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights.  No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”

Luke 10:25-37  “…He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine.  Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him…”

If you take the time to read through these Biblical words of guidance, you will find God inviting us to join him in the process of healing the hearts and lives of our neighbors.  And while there are those life issues that call for the help of various professionals, you can offer so much through the following three simple steps.  Please take note of the order of these steps, as I believe they flow in a developmental sequence: (more…)

Well, for those who have already read my previous post, you know the Spirit of God led me in an unexpected direction last week as I began writing my book. In short, I expected to write a book about the key underlying dynamics that drive relationships, beneath the surface of issues like communication style and such. I did not intend to write the book from an obvious Christian perspective, because I wanted it to appeal to and reach the broadest possible audience. Well, I don’t have a clue what kind of audience will ever read this book, or if it will ever even be published. And the real freeing part for me is…I’m not worried about it. God surprised me my leading me to write a book that is all about the Gospel - living freely, confidently, and abundantly in the Kingdom of heaven - and how this way of living offers radical transformation in the relationships of our lives.

I guess the part that blows me away about this new direction is the fact that it did surprise me. I am a follower of Christ who finds my meaning and hope and guidance primarily through my life in him. And my professional job is to help struggling people find meaning and hope and guidance to restore and improve their lives and relationships - and I do this as a “Christian counselor.” So, why shouldn’t my book be primarily concerned with the power of the Gospel to change our lives and relationships?!!

On a lighter note, the other surprise that really shouldn’t have surprised me is how much my book is going to be infused with messages and images and dialog from movies. Any of you who know me well enough to know my passion for quoting movies, and my similar passion for using movies as therapeutic tools and metaphors, won’t be surprised to find references to The Matrix and Forrest Gump, dialog from The Shawshank Redemption, and plenty more movie moments nestled in the pages of my book between stories from Scripture and tales from my own life.

And for those who are curious, my current working title is “Hope for Your Story: The Relationship Transformation of Living in the Kingdom of Heaven.” (I think the subtitle is too cumbersome, but I’ll work on it.)

With Hope in Him,

Roger