HopeForYourFamily

Roger D. Butner, PhD, LMFT is a Christian marriage and family therapist.
Read "ScreamFree Parenting" by Hal Edward Runkel. It will revolutionize your relationships.

Dr. Butner's Tips for a Better Life

Crisis!

You don’t need me to tell you what a crisis our nation is facing right now.  Sure, right now to the average Joe/Jill like you or me, it may seem like something removed to Wall St. or D.C., but the waves will soon crash on the shore of our own front yards.  Life is likely to change significantly for all of us.  I don’t know if it will be as dramatic as the life-change faced by Galveston Island residents this year, or New Orleans residents three years ago, but life will change as our nation faces this tremendous season of crisis.  I don’t know exactly how this crisis will unfold and impact my life.  And I’ve certainly never been mistaken for a financial expert.  But I do know the best way to face it, and I want to share this with you.  Our governor, Bobby Jindal, has done a great job of encouraging our state to “Get a game plan” regarding tropical storm and hurricane impacts to our communities and homes.  Here’s my game plan for facing this financial life storm:

1. Stay calm.

2. Be proactive (not reactive).

3. Take personal responsibility.

4. Exercise self-discipline.

5. Walk by faith in God.

I can be given to wordiness, but I see no need to elaborate on these points today.  They are not complicated principles, even though we may experience them as greatly challenging to practice.  But each one has the power to transform our lives, especially when tied together with the fifth point through a life of walking with Christ.  I will share more thoughts soon, but know that you are in my prayers - along with all of our nation.

With Hope in Him,

Roger

p.s. - For some very relevant and practical insight and guidance, I highly recommend the work of both Dave Ramsey and Hal Runkel.

Say “Yes” to “No”

The power of saying “No” to our immediate urges is one of the most fundamental and universal tools for success we can ever develop.  Call it self-control, self-discipline, delayed gratification, or whatever you like - it is a key ability that enables individuals to meet their goals and face life with calm confidence.  As parents, we have the opportunity to help train our children how to cultivate this critical life skill.  But it isn’t easy.  And our media culture will fight us every step of the way.  Dr. David Walsh of National Institute for Media and the Family, has developed a new program to help parents do just that.  Click here (and then click on “The Marshmallow Story”) to connect with this resource and to see a brief video where he presents a critical piece of research that illustrates the power of this principle.

Fireproof

If you have the opportunity, I would encourage you to go check out “Fireproof” when it opens at the theaters this weekend.  The film chronicles the life of Capt. Caleb Holt, who lives by his fireman’s motto, “Never leave your partner behind.”  As a fireman, he is confident, successful, and much admired and respected.  As a husband, he is failing miserably as he and his wife drift further and further apart, and are ready to escape the smoldering ruins of their marriage through the exit door of divorce.  But when Caleb accepts his father’s challenge of a “40-day Love Dare” as a husband, God’s refining fire reveals his true character and gives him the opportunity to surrender his heart, his actions, and his marriage to the One who delights in giving new life to the lifeless and new hope to the hopeless.

Go see it to send a message that you want more films that encourage godly values.  Go see it to be inspired by the message God has prepared for you.

Moving on

This is just a quick word to say I recognize it is time to move on with my life and blogging beyond the recent hurricane activity.  I will resume posting messages offering encouragement and guidance for marriage, parenting, family life, and life in general asap.  I’m just not quite there yet.  And I guess there’s the upcoming Parenting 101 interview, presentation to a grief recovery group, and presenting a seminar about sex in marriage to a group of engaged couples to be recorded and placed on our counseling center website - all within the coming week.  But I’m not complaining - I am so thankful to be doing what I do with so many rich blessings in my life.  So, stay tuned.  I’ll be back.

Report on New Orleans - 3 Years after Katrina

I found this report tonight, and thought it was very timely.  The study is provided by the Kaiser Family Foundation, an incredible research group in whom I have great respect.  If you just want the basics, click on “Executive Summary.”  If you are interested in more detail, you can read the full report and methodology.

One Week

Wow - It’s amazing how much life can change in one week!  I offer the following narrative, not to complain or vent, but to express to those of you in other parts of the world what life has been like for the typical person in Baton Rouge for the last seven days.  Some are my experiences, while some are those of my friends, family, and neighbors:

As I begin writing this post at 10 am on September 8, it was one week ago right now that the winds swirling around my home in Baton Rouge became strong enough that large limbs began to weaken and fall.  Within three hours of this time, hurricane force winds of 90 mph would take down huge trees by the hundreds all around town, including one right outside my front windows, and I would be wondering if it was really such a good idea to ride it out at my house.  No power in the oppressive muggy nights of early September in Baton Rouge would have us sleeping as a family in our dining room where the open windows created the best cross-draft for slightly bearable sleeping conditions.  Of course, my son’s and my allergies went berserk from sleeping with the windows open after Gustav had infused the air with more allergens than you could shake a live oak at.

A whole city out of power and covered with downed trees brings with it many challenges.  Whose got ice?  Know where I can find some ice?  I’m trying to keep (more…)

Post-Gustav, Pre-Ike

GustavGustav’s path              Ike 2 Ike’s path?
For those of us still trying to regroup and put our lives and homes back together after Gustav, I know we are all watching Ike’s path with prayerful concern.  Two basic tips:

1. Remember everything you did to prepare for Gustav that helped, and add to that everything you realized you should have done after the storm did its damage.  Put your plan and preparation into action, if Ike continues on his current path.

2. Don’t panic.  The worst case scenario is this bad boy heads straight across open waters, smashing into New Orleans and ripping through Baton Rouge.  (Okay, I’ll admit that’s MY worst case scenario).  But even if the worst should happen - GOING INTO A PANIC WILL MAKE IT WORSE, NOT BETTER.

In prayer and preparation,

Roger

p.s. - After posting, I went back and read two previous posts from previous years regarding the storms of life.  It did me good to read my own lessons learned.  Let’s face it - I’m in a storm season, as are many of my regular readers.  I hope these posts are helpful for you now.

“Surviving the Storms in Life”

“Storms”

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