HopeForYourFamily

Independence Day is just days away for the people of our country. We celebrate the 4th of July as the day our nation officially became a free land, governing ourselves with independent sovereignty. The Boston Tea Party, The Declaration of Independence, “the shot heard round the world” at Concord, and the whole Revolutionary War were all outward expressions of a shared determination to make our own choices for ourselves and no longer be ruled by a tyrant king. “Give me liberty, or give me death!,” as Patrick Henry so powerfully stated the sentiment.

We started out so strong and proud and noble. Look at us now - still strong and great in some very significant ways, but in many ways not living out the American Dream as envisioned by our forefathers (or so I would strongly suspect). I’m not writing this post to be anti-patriotic, or to jump on our nation. I’m writing about human nature. Isn’t it such an ingrained part of our nature to take our freedom, put it in the hands of our sinful (”selfish) nature, and begin to destroy ourselves in the pursuit of happiness? Maybe it’s just me, as I know this is a continual struggle for me, but this seems to be a fairly universal dynamic.

So this year for Independence Day, I am inviting you to join me in an important declaration of independence. Let’s take a long, honest look at ourselves and determine to set ourselves free from the self-destructive, relationship-destructive attitudes and actions that may seem so right or justified when we are only focused on immediate gratification and not on the bigger picture. I don’t know what your internal laundry list looks like, but I am learning to see my own more clearly. Maybe it’s your role in your marriage, that nasty habit, some parenting practices, your spirit while driving, how you spend your money, how you spend your time, or any of a zillion other things. Whatever it is, you cling to it, knowing it is only making your life worse, because somewhere down deep you just believe you deserve it. And it really has you enslaved by your own embracing of it. Name it clearly for what it is, maybe even write it down and/or share it with a trusted someone, and then…

Surrender it to God. Turn it over to your Father who really does want the very best for you. Cultivate a willingness and desire to live as Christ in this area of your life. Daily invite His Holy Spirit to guide you and empower you to be released from this voluntary prison and live in the true freedom that only comes through surrender.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery…You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love.” - Galatians 5:1, 13

With Hope of Freedom through Him,

Roger

Last year’s Independence Day post

If you know me, or read my blog with any regularity, you know I have a passion for helping families navigate the evolving sea of entertainment/media/technology in as healthy a manner as possible. One huge portion of this evolving world is the vast expanse of online “social networking” sites, with MySpace and Facebook still leading the field. I have shared previously my perspectives on these sites, with recommendations for parents. Today I write, not just as a media/family expert and critic, but as a social networking participant - a Facebooker.

One of the differences (among many) between Facebook and MySpace is that Facebook really presents itself as essentially tamer and not quite as edgy as MySpace. Sure, people post their party pics, share wisecracking “bumper stickers,” and post links to favorite videos and such. But the Facebook experience somehow seems less given to some of the worst of the MySpace experience. (MySpace is certainly not all bad, by the way.) Well, I am pleased to share with you a recent experience that really encouraged me regarding Facebook’s desire and efforts to remain a positive social networking experience. I was looking for the profile of someone who was not on my official “friends” list. When I entered her name, I saw a profile list of a dozen or so people with the same name. One of these individuals had a very sexually revealing and provocative picture on their profile image, and I immediately reported it to Facebook, which they readily encourage in such situations. Facebook’s stock just went up in my view, when they responded within a couple days and pulled the offensive image.

Way to go, Facebook! No, they can’t police everything everyone does on such a vast social network, nor should they. But they can maintain certain limits on what can be shared for all to see, and I am impressed to see how willing they are to do so. Happy Facebooking!

My four year old son is really growing up so much, and I am so proud of him. We have a lot of fun together, and enjoy learning about life together. It is always so interesting to hear what will come out of his mouth. “I love you, Dad,” “I’m singing for Jesus,” “Do you know about Paul and Silas?,” “Big Hug, Big Kiss!,” (meaning one that includes him, my wife, and me) and “Dad, let’s play rough,” are some of my favorite quotes so far. He’s really a great kid!

But however terrific he may be, he’s still human, and he’s still only four, and he’s still my son. This means he still has a lot of growing up to do. One of his current favorite phrases is, “But…I NEED it!” This is almost always preceded by his mother or me telling him “no” to a particular request. To my best recollection, neither of us have actually ever deprived him of something he NEEDED when he asked for it. In fact, at his age, the vast majority of his NEEDS are supplied without his asking - we know what he needs.

The truth is, hearing him say how much he NEEDS something is currently one of the clearest indicators that he does not NEED it, and in fact, would probably benefit directly from doing without it. Don’t get me wrong - our son is far from deprived. One look in our backyard, his bedroom, or our living room quickly confirms the reality of that issue. And maybe that is a big contributor to his probably of mistaking want for NEED. He gets most of what he wants. Oh, we don’t spend elaborate amounts of money on toys, and he hears “no” plenty from us, but he really does get a great deal of what he wants.

And isn’t that the American way? But…I want NEED it! Well, if you want it that much, there’s no reason you shouldn’t have it right away. I won’t attempt to go into an exhaustive list of all the areas of typical American life where we expect to get what we want, when we want it, with little or no hassle or sacrifice on our parts. I’ll just pick one that clearly illustrates this warped perspective that can so easily grab hold of our attitudes and our lives. Credit cards. I read last night that Americans currently owe over $995,000,000 in credit card debts. That’s over 995 million, folks! We’re baring down fast on owing ONE BILLION DOLLARS IN CREDIT CARD DEBT!!! Holy short-sighted, self-indulgent, I-don’t-just-want-it-I-NEED-it!, Batman! We’ve got a huge problem here. We aren’t worried about how much we really NEED stuff, or whether we have actually earned enough to pay for it. We want it, and we’ve got the plastic to get it for us right now. Cha-ching!!!

So, my challenge to you today is this: Take a couple of weeks for some focused self-analysis. Notice how many things you approach on a regular basis as though you NEED them. Then ask yourself, “Do I really NEED this, or is it a want or convenience?” Notice how often you expect to get whatever you want, whenever you want it, and get bent out of shape when your expectation isn’t met to your satisfaction. Notice your reaction in such situations. How did you do? Anything need to change? Maybe a steady, big dose of gratitude and contentment would help. I know it helps me tremendously, when I’m willing to take my medicine. And I know my son will struggle to learn gratitude and contentment if he does not see it in his Dad. Well, I’m off to go pick up my son from school. I just hope there aren’t any idiots out there holding up traffic, because I really NEED to get there when I want to get there, regardless of how much time I left myself to make the trip! Yeah, I know - I’ll keep taking my medicine. I’m obviously not cured yet.

My lovely wife surprised me at Christmas with a guitar. My first guitar. A very nice Martin acoustic guitar - at that! She has heard me say over the years that “one of these days I’d love to learn to play the guitar,” so she decided there was no time like the present. My Dad played an acoustic guitar when I was growing up (and Mom played piano), and I’ve always been a singer, but I just never took the time to learn to play. And now I realize why.

It takes time, focus, patience, diligence - basically a lot of self-discipline. Hmmmm, where has the issue of self-discipline come up lately? But I really, really want to play guitar. No, that’s not quite the truth. The truth is, I want to be great with the guitar. It’s not that I have visions of being a famous performer with a huge following. (OK, maybe just a little - but it’s about as serious a dream as Fletch playing power forward for the Lakers!) I want to be great at the guitar, because music means so much to me, and I believe this will open up a whole avenue of experiencing and expressing my self. But what I really want to share with you are some of the life lessons I am learning from guitar lessons:

1. You don’t master anything overnight, no matter how much it matters to you. (I would argue that anything you actually can master overnight is not likely to make much of a meaningful impact on your life.) It takes time, focus, and determination to master anything worthwhile in life. Shortcuts and quick fixes do not lead to mastery. Only persistent, diligent, self-discipline leads to mastery.

2. If you really want to be good at something, you have to be willing to work on the stuff that isn’t fun and doesn’t come easy. If you are willing to toil your way through the parts that just aren’t fun and don’t come naturally, eventually you may just find yourself in the promised land where those things have become second-nature and allow you to enjoy life in ways you never could have imagined before doing all that hard work.

3. If you want to make big forward progress, you have to move at a pace you can actually sustain. Sometimes in our zeal to get where we want to be with a new life endeavor, (more…)

I haven’t stepped on the scale for a while, probably a couple months or so.  No big deal.  Surely I’m just holding at the same weight.  Maybe even slowly shedding a pound or two along the way.  After all, I really want to lose about 30 pounds, so surely that counts for something, even if I haven’t been doing much lately to reach my goal.  So, yesterday I went to the YMCA for my second workout inside a week (impressive, I know!).  On the way out, I noticed the new fancy scale and hopped on just for the sake of it.  When the results popped up on the digital screen, I immediately thought, “All that money they spent on this top of the line, do everything scale, and it isn’t even accurate.”  Later that evening, I got on the “official” scale at my house to see just how badly the scale at the Y needed to be recalibrated.

To my horror, my back-stabbing, good for nothing, self-esteem stomping scale in my own home verified the weight I had earlier dismissed from the scale at the gym.  I wasn’t holding a steady weight from a couple months ago, and I sure wasn’t inching my way to a smaller waistline.  In fact, I have put on over 10 pounds.  Ouch!!!  How did this happen?  I mean, I really do want to get down to an ideal, healthy weight (now about 40 pounds away), so what could possibly be causing me to put on weight?

The answer is pretty straightforward, and I will share a quote from Hal Runkel, of ScreamFree Living, to put it as simply as possible:

Recipe for failure: Sacrifice what I want most, for what I want right now.

Well, Hal - you hit the nail on the head!  Ouch!!!  The truth is, it doesn’t matter how much I want to weigh less, or get that room organized, or improve this relationship, or stop that nasty habit, or whatever else, if I am not willing to keep that desire as a higher priority than my feelings of the moment.  I will reach my goals in life only when I am willing to surrender my momentary whims (which are often nothing more than the desires of my Flesh, in direct opposition to the desires of the Spirit living in me) in self-discipline and self-control, and do those things which will actually bring me toward my goals and healthy growth.

So today’s message is: It’s time for Dr. Butner to take a dose of his own medicine, and sacrifice the momentary pleasures of second helpings, rich deserts, mindless candy-munching, and the like, and experience the momentary unpleasantness of self-control so he can reach some healthier goals and places in his life - starting on the scale.

Are you facing challenges in your family this summer that could use some expert guidance?

Have you discovered a wonderful experience, activity, place to go, or routine that works great for your family, and is worth sharing with others?

Would it just be really cool to have YOUR topic shared on TV?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, I would love to hear from you. Please share your thoughts, questions, experiences, or suggestions with me at Roger@hopeforyourfamily.com, or feel free to add your comments to this post (after you have registered as a user on my site). I will email you back personally with my perspectives, and consider using your topic on my next WAFB Parenting 101 interview coming up on the last Tuesday of June at 6:15 am.

I look forward to hearing from you!

With Hope - Roger

Here’s a link to a terrific resource for setting the right tone for family life this summer.

Make it a MediaWise Summer!