HopeForYourFamily

Okay, in fairness to my Marriage 1.0 and 1.1 posts, this one challenges a “funny” email from a male perspective. Here is the email, followed by my comments:

“Earl and Bubba (feel free to insert Boudreaux and Thibodeaux if that works better for you) are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing, and drinking beer, when suddenly Bubba says, ‘I think I’m gonna divorce my wife - she ain’t spoke to me in over two months.’

Earl spits, sips his beer, and says, ‘Better think it over. Women like that are hard to find.’”

And the hilarious message is…marriage would be great if women just shut up and didn’t bother us husbands by talking to us. Now there’s intimacy at its finest! Sure, there are plenty of women who would do well to learn to not try so hard to change their husbands, or to understand when to just remain quiet and appreciate the silent connection. And the same could be said of many men as well. Again, I believe this “funny” email represents a common marital challenge. With the right perspective and effort on the part of both husbands and wives, this frequent source of tension can be greatly transformed to facilitate the kind of intimacy men and women both desire in marriage.

It is amazing what kind of healthy changes happen in a marriage when a spouse who “talks too much” can learn to stop actively trying to change their mate to fit into the mold of their choosing. However, this can be hard to let go of when one’s spouse seems to frequently engage in behaviors that just seem so intolerable to you. But consider this…how often has your “nagging” or “badgering” (could be wife or husband) actually created the desired change in your spouse? Doesn’t it usually just lead either to big conflict or to silent separation, often followed by an actual increase in the detested behavior? Or sometimes the behavior does decrease or change, but is accompanied by so much complaining or passive-aggressive jabbing that you end up wishing your spouse were still doing the first thing and you had never made it an issue. Sound familiar to anyone?

I know this goes against the grain of your natural impulse (it certainly does mine), but watch what happens when you decide to (more…)

The last year or so has been a season of growth and transformation in my life. If I had to summarize this time with one word, I guess I would have to go with “FREEDOM.” The great paradox of this experience has been discovering that the pathway to true freedom comes through total surrender. Not that I have achieved a status of total surrender, but I am striving more for it every day. And as I further surrender my will and my life and my relationships to the Lordship of Christ, God grants me greater freedom and His Spirit empowers me to experience greater heights of joy, purpose, and fulfillment. In the spirit of my ongoing quest for freedom in Christ, I want to share a few recent reflections and insights regarding much of my past journey as a Christian.

Much of my life as a Christian and church member has been driven by a desire for safety. With a belief in the Christian teachings regarding the three-in-one God, Satan, heaven, hell, sin, salvation, and such, I think my aim has been to search the Bible for the correct formula to guide my actions (and to a lesser degree my mind and heart) in such a way that will keep me safe from the terrible consequences of sin and the generally dissipated condition of this fallen world. The formula I have followed (or at least attempted to follow) has been very religious and certainly addresses very spiritual issues. And I really believe if I was a better man, a truly righteous man by nature, this formulaic approach to spiritual safety would be quite sufficient for living an exemplary life that would please God greatly and offer a high standard that others should follow.

The problem is - I am not a truly righteous man by nature. I am sinful by nature. I have such twisted places in my heart, mind, and spirit that I am absolutely incapable of following any prescribed plan of living in such a way that I can keep my self safe from the ravages of sin and the sinful world in which I live. I am increasingly realizing that the pursuit of safety, no matter how religious or seemingly spiritual the means, will ultimately fail. (see John 5:16-47, especially verse 39) A sinful man cannot keep himself safe. I’m gonna level with you, here. This has been a highly unnerving eye-opener for me! It would seem my whole framework for living has failed me and left me naked and doomed in a dangerous world made worse by the sinful nature that continues to burst forth from within me.

But I have great hope!

For underneath this religious pursuit of safety I have found the answer. I first had to rethink my question. “What must I do to be safe?” Thirty plus years of pursuing an answer to this question had left me enslaved to both a way of life that appeared righteous and a way of life that was totally limited by MY woefully lacking ability to achieve righteousness for my self. So I now thank God for bringing me to freedom by beginning with a new question, “What must I do to be saved?” And the answer is so simple it is jarring. I must put my faith in Jesus. For by the grace of God, through the power of Christ, the one and only risen from the dead son of God, I am set free from the bondage of sin and the slavery of self-righteousness.

The really amazing thing for me is that now that I am clear on the only source of my salvation, and no longer wasting my focus and energy on the self-righteous pursuit of safety, I am free to pursue a full relationship with Christ and to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness. And I am coming to believe that my salvation in Christ does NOT guarantee my safety, for this is still a dark and dangerous world, and I serve a King who leads his subjects into wild adventures that frequently include sacrifice, suffering, and death. And I am now eager to follow the High King wherever He calls and leads me, for “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

With Hope in Him,

Roger

   Click on the image to watch part 1 of “The Lorax” a television presentation of the classic Dr. Seuss tale of being a friend, rather than an enemy, of planet Earth.  (Parts 2 & 3 are also available from this YouTube video page - the whole show is about 35 minutes or so.)
Here are just a few helpful “Green” links to help you celebrate Earth Day and hopefully begin some lifelong, life-giving, Earth-renewing habits:

Earth Day 2008

EPA Earth Day

Earth Day EnviroLinks

Geaux Green

Recycle Rouge

Earth911

Kids Page - Recycling

Do Something

Christian Environmental Organization Links

Your Green Partner,

Dr. Roger Butner

The last year or so has been a time of tremendous growth in my life. This has been totally a gift of grace from God. I don’t say that as some kind of flippantly religious way of trying to sound humble. I just know I don’t have what it takes to bring about the transforming changes that have been happening in and around me over the past months. But the Spirit of God, sent by Jesus to live in me and convict and guide and comfort me - He has power beyond my wildest conception. And He is eager to transform and lead me. So long as I will seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and surrender to His will.

This process of growth has been largely a time of joy and unfolding freedom. But it has not been without pain. I have had to make difficult choices, some of which have left others near me feeling bewildered, hurt, even angry. Even when I feel a conviction of peace about such choices for myself and my family, it hurts deeply to see loved ones so painfully affected. And then there are those times when I take my eyes off the One who is providing and sustaining my growth. My eyes have a tendency to wander to two particularly seductive focal points - potential sources of danger (fear) and a distorted image of myself (pride or shame). I clearly have a long way to grow, even though I have already grown a great deal by the grace of God.

I am so thankful to my Lord for showing the same loving mercy to me that He showed to Peter, who walked on water when his eyes, heart, and faith were fixed completely on Him, but sank like a rock when his focus shifted to the surrounding danger. Jesus was right there with his strong, loving hands to lift up his friend and restore him to the place where he belonged, so he could continue learning, growing, serving, and leading in the ways God had purposed for his life.

May these inspired words convict and sustain you, as they have me for the last day or so:

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” - Romans 12:1-3