HopeForYourFamily

Roger D. Butner, PhD, LMFT is a Christian marriage and family therapist.
Commit to making your spouse's name safe. Don't talk badly about him/her to your friends, family, or co-workers - EVER.

Dr. Butner's Tips for a Better Life

Spring Cleaning

It’s spring cleaning time at my house.  My wife and I have both hit that point over the last couple of weeks.  We want to get our house in order and experience the refreshing peace of spring cleaning.  I’ve got the yard mowed.  I even splurged on some expensive fertilizer/weed killer/ant killer and some new grass seed.  Never have I given such luxurious treatment to my lawn, but I decided it’s probably a good idea every few years.  My wife has been doing a lot of straightening and organizing and rearranging in the house, and we have gratefully had the money this year to pay a friend to come over and deep clean for us.  The yard is looking good.  Our closets are neat.  The kitchen is glowing.  The bathrooms are clean.  Even the furniture has been brightened.  The house smells fresh.

 Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

It’s nice to have things fresh and in order.  And I think it is no coincidence that we do such cleaning in the spring.  Spring is the time when all of God’s creation bursts forth with new life.  Much that has appeared brown and withered and dead suddenly perks up and becomes green and full of life and blossoms.  And so we naturally feel the desire to clean our homes and give them the same rejuvenation God is giving the great outdoors.  What a great opportunity to get our houses in order!  I’m talking now about the lives and relationships that rest and play and work and reside within the rooms and yards that we are busily sprucing up with our spring cleaning efforts.  As for me… (more…)

Important Event for Parents

Parents, teachers, youth workers - anyone with a passion for kids: make plans to attend the mySafe Conference on April 3rd at 7pm at the Campbell Auditorium at LSU.  The conference will help you understand how your kids are interacting with the internet, and how to educate, guide, and protect them effectively.  Register at http://icare.ebrschools.org or call 225-226-2273 for more information.

Centered

Typical daily life in America today is stressful. And hectic. And difficult. And busy.

So many challenges to face. So many schedules to keep. So many demanding people.

Rising gas prices. Rising insurance costs. Rising housing costs.

Mark Schultz captures this way of life well in his song, “Running Just to Catch Myself.”

With all these pressures on us every day, it is easy to give in to stress, anxiety, or fear, and compromise our integrity - to act in ways that do not fit who we really want to be. I’m stressed with a mountain of work, so I yell at my wife. The computer crashed, so I lash out at my child, immediately blaming him. The big deadline is here, so I lie to get through it. The kids are driving me crazy, so I become sarcastic and hurtful with my husband. I don’t like the way things are going at church, so I begin grumbling and gossiping. It’s tax time, and money is really tight - surely the IRS won’t catch this. I’m afraid of getting that intimidating reaction from you-know-who, so I keep quiet when I know I should speak up. I become more concerned with peacekeeping (not the same as peacemaking) than with speaking the truth in love. All compromises that leave us disappointed with the one in the mirror at the end of the day, if we stop to take a look. (Another song, “The Chasing Song” by Andrew Peterson, captures this well for me.)

There is an ancient prayer tradition called “centering.” While there are many variations and methods, it is essentially a means of stilling your mind and spirit, and inviting God to bring you to a place of calm strength. It is a Christian form of meditation. Some will focus on an image that draws them near God. Others will choose one word to repeat over and over. In contrast to other forms of meditation, the goal is not to empty oneself, so much as to be guided by God, held by the Holy Spirit, captivated by Christ. From this centered place of holy strength and calm, one can then face whatever challenges life has in store.

I’d like to get very personal with you, here. (more…)

Shield of Saint Patrick

To read the powerful words of this ancient prayer of the famous Irish saint, click here and scroll to the bottom of the “Poems for Inspiration” page.

Plastic & Beer

I write this post on St. Patrick’s Day, after having spent the morning with my family at my first ever parade in Baton Rouge.  While I had never really heard much about the St. Patty’s Day parade, I’ve heard about the legendary Mardi Gras parades of South Louisiana for years.  From what I could tell, this was pretty much the same thing - but with cheaper floats and the crowd looking like they just stepped out of the Emerald City.  As I stood there on Perkins Road with my family, taking it all in, I tried to figure out what was really the point of it all.  And I think the main point was this:

(more…)

Friends

Today I was discussing with a client how important REAL FRIENDS are in times of hardship and crisis.  She has one such friend in her life, and we sadly agreed that many people don’t even have one friend with whom they can be truly open.  Let’s face it - alone is Hell.  God said in the very beginning, after making the first man, Adam, “It’s not good for man to be alone.”  In the great wisdom book of Ecclesiastes, the author tells us to “pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up.”  We need friends.  We need people we can trust to accept us and love us when we take off our masks and come out from behind our walls and get Real.  We need friends.

I talk to so many hurting people who feel so alone.  Sometimes their actual problems aren’t as bad as the pain of facing those problems alone.  Alone is Hell.  We need friends.  It is truly astonishing the amount of hope that stirs in a human spirit, simply by having someone enter into one’s most vulnerable space and state clearly (with or without words), “I’m here with you.”  What a gift to be wandering blindly through a terrible storm of life, and to realize a trusted friend has quietly joined you with an umbrella and a light and no words of condemnation!  Or the profound comfort in awaking in a hospital bed to realize the calm presence of the person beside you is not your doctor, but your friend.  Or the friend who loves you enough to sit quietly beside you because no words can heal your hurt, when all others have abandoned you because no words can heal your hurt.  And don’t forget the simple, yet fulfilling joy of talking and laughing and sharing things with a true friend in ways that would lead others to think you strange, while your friend truly enjoys these moments as uniquely you.

Take a minute to consider if you have been blessed to have one or more REAL FRIENDS.  If so, please let them know how much they mean to you.  You may assume they understand without it having to be said.  Say it anyway.  Can you imagine your life without that friend?  I would like to take a few moments to say thanks to my REAL FRIENDS.  As I pause and reflect, I realize God has given me more than most… (more…)

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