HopeForYourFamily

Roger D. Butner, PhD, LMFT is a Christian marriage and family therapist.
Don't get caught up trying to be friends with your children. As a parent, work now on being a healthy mentor, strong authority, encouraging coach, involved teacher, and spiritual guide to your children. Then someday, hopefully, your adult children will invite you into friendship with them.

Dr. Butner's Tips for a Better Life

A Year

Today marks one year since Hurricane Katrina made her fateful landfall on the eroded shores of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama.  The fallout of this incredible natural disaster has brought out both the worst and the best of the American people.  We have witnessed looting, violence, chaos, racism, political posturing, and shameless blaming.  However, we have seen selfless heroism, unprecedented generosity, racial reconciliation, powerful community spirit, genuine love, and undying hope and determinism.  Imagine how great the next year of rebuilding will be if we all commit ourselves to being part of the solution!

“But I’m in no position to make a difference,” you may say to yourself.  I beg to differ!  Even a year later, in our various roles of life, we can all make a tremendous difference. (more…)

A “Storiented” Family Activity

Apparently I coined a new term a few nights ago through a slip of the tongue.  After making some comments in my Bible study group, a couple of people immediately spoke up, saying they like my use of the term “storiented” in reference to our postmodern culture.  I didn’t really mean to say it - I guess I just ran “story” and “oriented” together a little, so it sounded like one word.  We moved on with our discussion of the Gospel of Mark, and I told them I wasn’t trying to sound clever.

I’ve thought about it several times since then and realized…we do live in a storiented culture.  Stories are very important to us.  They evoke deep emotion in our hearts.  A good story can prompt us to: laugh, cry, shout, believe, remember, imagine, hope, sympathize, blame, forgive, and so much more.  Stories open up other worlds of adventure and romance and possibility.  Wrongs are righted.  True love prevails.  Goodhearted heros triumph over sinister villains.  Problems are solved.  And relationships are restored.

Many of our entertainment choices are very storiented in nature.  We keep up with our favorite prime-time dramas or “reality” shows on TV.  We enter the story world of a good movie in a dark theater or the privacy of our own surround-sound entertainment room.  We lose ourselves in the unfolding narrative of a novel, biography, or other book.  Even music, videogames, and web surfing can be about connecting with a story larger than ourselves.  We love great stories, and we love to feel that we are, in some way, a part of them.

If approached properly, stories can inspire us to live better lives and build better relationships. (more…)

The Family That Plays Together, Stays Together

This may sound like an old cliche, but it represents a deep truth.  Whether it’s Monopoly, Rook, charades, spoons, hide and seek, checkers, chess, tag, poker, Balderdash, “apple shmear” (see Cheaper by the Dozen), backyard football, X-Box tournaments, Candyland, backgammon, bowling, Parcheesi, or Old Maid, playing together as a family encompasses several very important values: (more…)